Renascence: A Spiritual Healing

One of the most famous uses of ‘renascence’ is for a 1912 poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The term is a synonym for ‘renaissance,’ a French word for ‘rebirth.’

This Renascence, by Phoebe Roberts Hedrick, chronicles her spiritual healing of a terminal illness. From the early 1930s, it was published in 1976 by metaphysician Margaret Laird in The Laird Letter. ¹

I wonder if it is possible for anyone to conceive of the strange and uncanny terror that seizes a person when told that the dread disease of cancer has fastened itself upon them.

This was told to me, and suddenly, with anticipation and hope, and with the lives of my family an all-absorbing interest, I came to the realization that I was doomed to the mercy of surgery, radium, or a providence of some sort—with the odds against me from the very start. I was told that, fortunately, the disease had been caught early in its inception, and for this reason we had every hope that it might be cured.

At the foot of my hospital bed the kindly, competent, but after all, human being, the doctor, stood, and I knew that he knew it would be a battle royale.

There was no outburst of emotion as one might expect.

I half-smiled, pretending that I was rather undisturbed by his report and trying to appear a model patient to the interns and nurses who had come into the room with him.

When alone, tears flooded, my throat tightened, and old memories surged over me. Desolate thoughts of the future possessed me. There were hours of a queer abhorrence of my very self.

The radium had been applied, and I was sent home.

At times, everyone interested in me and the case was eager. I shared a little of their hopefulness. Two months went by, but there was no healing. Instead, the wound failed to respond. And knew it. Pain had begun. There was a constant, steady ache to remind me of its presence.

Radium was again applied.

To keep up my courage, I began a study of radium and its discovery. I read of the great, persistent effort of Mme. Curie and her husband as they worked together in their laboratory and of their final victory. I studied the books I could secure on the present-day use of radium in the treatment of carcinoma, but the findings were for the most part negative, and the accounts were greatly involved.

A month went by, and another. Why did this terror gnaw on? But it did. A little later. I was taken on a voyage with the idea that a change of environment would at least give me some measure of happiness. Then I went to a quiet resort in the northwoods, but the evidence of the disease became so terrifying that I came home.

Radium was applied for the fourth time, followed by x-ray. It was then that the doctors' conclusion was that I could not live and that my expectancy of life was well within a year. This was a little over three years ago.

In presenting this article, I offer the analysis of an experience very much as a scientist would give the results of a biological experiment with no other purpose than to be of some service to humanity. The records of the case are available to any who care to investigate them. It is not a beautiful story except for the beauty of accomplishment, but it offers a suggestion that should be of inestimable value to the reader.

At the time, Christian Science was to me a vague, nebulous, impractical religion with complacent adherents unsympathetic to human sufferings, living in a self-satisfied dream world of their own. None of which induced the slightest interest. I knew absolutely nothing about it and believe that if anyone had advised it as a cure for my illness, I should have thought it utterly impossible and should have resented and scorned the suggestion.

Fortunately no one did suggest it. Because of this, I can understand why people unprepared to accept its teachings seem to resist any information about it or refuse to admit healings through it. I turned to it without any outside influence or advice. The truth as it appears to me today is that without the ‘right-about-face’ conception of life, which Christian Science gave me at this moment when life, as I had previously looked upon it, was at its lowest ebb, I would not be here today.

This ought not to seem incredible when one realizes that even the medical and surgical world is endeavoring through various means to change what is termed the ‘defeative attitude of the public mind’ towards cancer and, from this, know that they recognize the power of the mind and its activities and that it plays a most important part in the healing of disease. But there is so much more than a ‘mental activity’ or ‘change of thought’ that is needed.

While it is evidently a difficult thing to change the ‘defeative attitude of mind’ of those not afflicted with cancer, of those who through generations of belief have thought it to be incurable, how much more difficult and how very different a thing it is to change the mind of a person suffering from its ghastly horrors.

Christian Science did this for me in a scientific way peculiar to itself. I wish to tell of it because I believe that this story of a person who has had a healing such as mine—this record of changing thought—this renewing of the mind—this “Renascence"—if adequately phrased and recounted, should make it clear to others afflicted as I was that there is hope and health for everyone of them and will open other minds, now in doubt and despair, to the power of scientific Christian thinking.

I had reached a point where not only was the pain too great to bear much longer, but the prospects of the coming months were too fearful to endure, and I had decided to end it all.

In a state of bewilderment, I was suddenly impelled one night to call a Christian Scientist friend. She knew of my condition and asked if I wanted Christian Science help. I felt utterly hopeless and hardly knew what to say, but after a brief conversation, I said she might call her practitioner. In a few minutes I was speaking to the practitioner myself.

The practitioner came the next day to see me and was given a full account of my case. It was not an easy thing to relate, especially the desperate contemplation of self-destruction, but I told her the entire truth as I viewed it.

She was deeply interested in all I said but was not disturbed. When I had finished, she asked me a simple question—if I had ever realized that we "live in a world of pictured thought.” The question was disarming, for it seemed to have no bearing on the case and arrested my attention. It had never occurred to me before.

She explained what she meant—that human experience was in reality the ‘picturing,’ or manifestation, of thought and ideas, and whatever we experienced in life was dependent upon our interpretation of Truth and Reality.

Following her logical analysis of thought and mind, I suddenly saw a new importance to the words ‘thinking’ and 'ideas' and understood a little of what she was earnestly showing me.

The dresser and chair in my room, to which she referred as illustrations and which, naturally, had always appeared to me as mere objects of furniture, became expressions of ideas of beauty and usefulness, of cumulative ideas to meet our present needs—a manifestation of loving supply and not something solely of wood, varnish, glass, or metal. She called my attention to the fact that a painting observed through eyes that did not understand art would appear very differently when that mind was trained to discern artistic merits. Not the picture but the concept of it would change.

This is true and I was rather surprised not to have thought of it in just this way before. It seemed so clear that

I wondered why we thought of our world
as we view it in any other way
than simply as a concept of the real.

The practitioner stated further that she was not going to say that my present sense of body was not diseased and sick (as it evidently was), but she would ask me to lay that body, or sense of body, aside, as it were, and let her help to change my understanding of life and, thus, my world of thought. Was I willing to try?

There was a mental reservation on my part to allow her about one week’s time in which to test some of what Christian Science would do for me. When she said that she was going out of the city for a few days of that week, the time was lengthened to two weeks. I feel amused to recall this, although it was painfully serious at the moment, for I see how fully I had limited my span of life to the measurements of the calendar.

The practitioner might have said, as effectively, something about God and love, which I would not have understood, or that she would present other and truer pictures for me to enjoy, or she might have couched her thoughts in more figurative language. Apparently she discerned my true condition and, wisely, used the phrase she did: "Lay that sense of body aside."

My every thought had been centered on ‘that body’ through pain and suffering, and I was sure it represented my very self.

During the days that followed. I studied a good deal about 'pictured thought' and found myself looking about me, through the windows at the houses across the way, and

I discovered that those houses
were not necessarily mere structures
of brick and stone,
but they too were expressions
of ideas of beauty and comfort,
ideas which the architect, through training,
was able to manifest for our use.

These houses could never have existed except for the ideas that they represented or the mind that conceived them, and I would never have recognized this fact without the capacity to think—without ‘awareness.’ I was conscious of them, and therefore, they existed for me. I recalled what the philosopher Descartes once said: "I think, therefore I am."

I began to see that my consciousness
[my conscious awareness]
constituted my world and that my world
was my consciousness
[my conscious awareness] and no more.

I made every effort to keep my thoughts directed away from myself. If pain became intense, I took sedatives to quiet it until I was free enough to think away from it again. This, I began to realize, gradually became less and less necessary. I was aided greatly by the cooperation of my family. 

I was filling my consciousness with new ideas. When I was told that God is the One Mind, the Source of all ideas, and that life and all about me is the expression of ideas, I could understand what was meant when I was told that “God is all-in-all.”

I recall how pleased I was the day that I comprehended this truth. God has always seemed some vague power that permeated all existence but never in a practical way before.

I did not read much during those first weeks. I had no outside visitors. I contemplated and considered the new ideas presented to me. Nothing was hurried. As the principles of Christian Science were gradually shown to me, I learned early that I could believe only what I understood and that it was a good thing to question each unfoldment until it appeared clear and true.

There is wisdom in that method. It produces an unshakable faith. Christian Science does not teach that the sick are healed by declaring there is no sickness but by understanding and knowing that, in reality, there is none. This was a surprise to me, for I was so ignorant of what it really teaches, not only about sickness but about life as well.

One day we talked of the discoveries of the present-day physicists and of their conclusions that ‘cause and effect are one’—that ‘effect’ is ‘cause’ giving evidence of itself. This is a decided change from the old belief that ‘cause’ is one thing and 'effect' another. It was interesting to note the ideas of truth unfolding in this way even to the materialists, or rather, to those who deal with so-called material substance from which they draw their conclusions.

By reckoning God as cause and the universe (including humanity) as effect, we conclude naturally that the universe (including humanity) is Divinity giving evidence of Itself and that they are one. This conception takes creation, the universe, and life out of the realm of matter as matter and gives them real substance as Spirit. Divinity’s evidence of Itself must have spiritual significance far beyond our present concepts or understanding. Our interpretation of this evidence is limited to our knowledge of the actual truth of things, and our knowledge being in its infancy—struggling through the mist of ignorance—is why our world today appears finite and diseased.

Everything in the world as we see it
is the symbol of the real
in the process of unfoldment
from perfection to perfection.

I discovered this science of being is a real science with its governing principle and laws demonstrable in human experience through the mind or consciousness. It is a vision of eternal facts and truths, plain and easily understood. Through an understanding of them, the infinitude of God, Divinity’s ever-presence, the ever-constant reflection or activity of divine ideas, is discerned. Life is the unfoldment of these ideas.

The so-called human-made
things about us are without doubt
the manifestation of ideas expressed.

Christian Science teaches that the ideas are of divine origin and have been infinitely established in fact and apparent in human experience according to perception.

I looked at the expression of thought
named ‘radio’ and could understand
that the idea fundamental to radio
had always existed.

The present result had always been
potential awaiting the demand
to make it apparent to us
and to meet our needs.

What the infinite possibilities of the idea are,
we have, as yet, only dimly foreseen.

One might say that every idea
is a little universe in itself
in eternal unfoldment.

All of this had no direct connection with my physical condition, and anyone is free to disagree with the understanding of life that was revealed to me, but about this time, a month or six weeks having elapsed, the surgeon who had been observing the case told me that, to his surprise, the malignant condition seemed to be retarded. He did not dare to be too hopeful. I did not tell him that I was studying Christian Science, but I continued to do so with intense devotion. Long since, I had forgotten the ‘time limit' I had put upon the work of the practitioner.

I began to read a little in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures. The chapter on "Footsteps of Truth” was the first I read. I was working hard to understand and to know what life meant. I was receiving the most satisfying results, but Life, Infinity, and Eternality seemed such vast subjects after the habits formed by years of average thinking. I wanted to reach to the very limits of it all.

In my eagerness I would forget that we had all eternity in which to prove all things—that eternity means the ‘span of life’ I had once thought of in terms of calendar months and years.

There were days of discouragement when I questioned my ability to think what I should or to retain what little I had grasped of understanding. The evidence of the disease would seem too terrible to overcome, and it was then with love and encouragement I was guided and directed away from it—always and steadily away from it.

I was not religiously inclined, and the first chapter in the Christian Science textbook on ‘Prayer’ seemed a little foreboding. I did not want to go into any study of what one ordinarily thought of as ‘religious.’ I realized that emotional zeal would not produce anything but a blind faith of some sort, and it seemed to me that religion as I had known it was little more than an uplifted state of emotions with the added desire to be especially good. In the presence of so much suffering, I did not expect an answer to prayers that God would protect me from pain and evil. I never quite believed He could, and at this point was in no mood to read about ‘prayer.’

About this time I read a lecture on Christian Science healing. It was excellent, I thought. In it, there was a clear and concise explanation of the “immateriality of matter" from the standpoint of both physicist and Christian Scientist. There was also a portion devoted to the explanation of Life, Soul, Truth, Spirit, and Love, and our relationship to them. It concluded with the words, “This is the God of Christian Science.”

God represented the Love, which is the basis and standard of all love—unselfed Love that must be understood and lived; the Mind, which conceived the universe, a universe complete, consisting of the eternal activity of ideas of that Mind—Mind that must be expressed through the universe (including humanity) to complete itself; the Truth, which includes all truth and must be demonstrated and proven; the Spirit, which is the very impulse of all right activity and must permeate all right being; the Life, which is infinite Cause, ever-active, the seed within itself—the One Mind, of which we are the reflection and manifestation.

I began to realize
that I was necessary to this God,
that without me this God
would not be completely expressed.

I began to see that in all probability the real purpose of my existence was to seek to express my highest concept of God, and that then, and then only, was I really ‘being’—and that God is the substance of which the universe (including humanity) is made.

With this idea of God in mind, I was ready to read the chapter on ‘Prayer.’ The fact seemed clear that God’s work is complete. We need but to understand it, and, by understanding it, we are the manifestation of God. We need not petition Divinity to do more than It has already done by prayer or otherwise, but to acknowledge the omnipresence of God and thus arrive at a fuller comprehension of what divine creation means.

Another month had gone by when the physician said that, to his amazement, the diseased condition seemed to be receding. I was certainly feeling better, physically. I then told him what I had been doing. I recall that he did not seem surprised or displeased. He was considerate and kindly said, “Well, that is all right." He then cited cases where attitude of mind had affected the condition of the patient.

Following a gradual growth in understanding, the physical appearance of disease vanished, and today I am perfectly free from any trace of it.

In medical science there are many methods of curing disease, but in Christian Science there appears to be but one. No doubt, today, if asked, the doctors interested and active in this case would say that, in some way, the radium and x-ray used had finally brought about a cure. I can readily understand their attitude. It is quite evidently impossible for them to take any other stand or believe otherwise.

However, it is interesting to note that among six other persons of my immediate acquaintance at the time who were afflicted with this claim of cancer, all have long since passed away. I am the only one of the seven who turned to Christian Science.

It seems evident to me now that the truth as it has been made clear to me during this wonderful experience is that, notwithstanding appearances to the contrary and in spite of what seemed insurmountable pain and anguish, it was not so much the body that needed to be cured but the consciousness [the conscious awareness] that needed to be clarified—redeemed through spiritual awakening and mental pictures changed.

I would have said, if questioned, that I was pretty much alive mentally in those early days, but I shudder to think how mistaken I would have been. I was stupidly almost dead mentally and didn't realize it. For this reason

I can truthfully say
that I am thankful for my experience
no matter how gruesome it was.

Consciousness [your conscious awareness] is the battleground where you reject old incorrect beliefs and accept the verities of truth. This has to be done whether the body is healed or not. I had to turn away from my disease, push it back from me, and constantly say to the appearance of disease, “Get thee behind me, Satan!”

With utter selflessness and humility, I had to be receptive to new concepts and ideas. I had to exercise the God power of right thinking. It was the first step to health. It could not have been accomplished merely by change of environment or superficial reading. It took, really, the animus of Spirit.

I found that “healing means enlightenment” and permanent healing means eternal enlightenment. Humanity is the consciousness, the active consciousness of the qualities of God, and not bodies of flesh and bones. One is all that one embraces and includes in consciousness [conscious awareness], whether it be an expanse of blue sky, the music of a symphony, the literature of the ages, or one’s own physical well-being.

The real man being linked
by science to his Maker,
mortals need only turn
from sin and lose sight
of mortal selfhood to find Christ (Truth),
the real man and his relationship to God,
and to recognize the divine sonship.²

— Mary Baker Eddy

Health follows in consequence.

Waves of the Ocean

[1] Phoebe Roberts Hedrick, Renascence, The Laird Letter, (The Institute of Metaphysical Science, September/October 1976, Vol. 28, No. 5), p. 4 / An abridged account can also be found in the Christian Science Sentinel, October 17, 1936.

[2] Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 316